It’s hard to understand the term Asexuality for many. Simply because the prefix ‘a’ before a word depicts the lack of something and in a world obsessed with sexuality and the idea of sex, how do we understand something called ‘Asexuality’? To introduce the term, I will clarify what asexuality is not. It is not a feeling of disgust around sex and it is most definitely not just a lack of sexual experiences. It is not a disease and it is not something which needs to be cured by medical or psychological professionals. It is not the lack of the ability to perform sexual activities and it precisely is not ‘just a phase’. Now given all this, let’s try and unpack what it means to be an asexual person.
Just like the many terms under the banner of LGTBQIA+ umbrella, Asexuality is a sexual orientation. A sexual attraction towards no gender. Simply put, a person who identifies as Gay is sexually attracted to men and a person who identifies as asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction at all. This is an umbrella understanding of the term and of people’s experiences who call themselves asexual. However, different people experience this differently and have had different encounters with their own sexuality. To understand asexuality is to be aware of these different experiences and to acknowledge that it is also a spectrum in itself. Just like any other sexual orientation, asexuality should also not be seen as an absolute term or a specific category but rather as a wide compass that includes people who might have had similar experience with sexual attraction.
To better understand this term, it is important that we get a few things cleared up, one being that asexuality is not synonymous with aromanticism. While both sex and romance have been advertised by media to be the same things they are two distinct concepts. One may or may not be romantically involved with partners in their lives and may identify as an asexual. Famous sexuality researcher and psychologist Anthony Bogaert has written a book called Understanding Asexuality in which he has explained that biologists have made a distinction in both romance and sex and they believe that they are results of different evolutionary processes. While romance has fairly recently developed in humans, sexual attraction and desire go way back in the evolutionary process. So, both these things are independent of each other and an Asexual person may or may not be romantically attracted to others.
Along with this, there are several different facets that come with being an Asexual. While some don’t experience any sexual attraction, some may feel very low levels of attraction. Some people also identify as Demisexual, which means that they feel attracted to someone only when they are already very close with them and some as Grey-A, who find themselves somewhere in between the spectrum of sexuality and asexuality and experience sexual attraction on rare occasions. And this is not an exhaustive list of how people identify themselves on this spectrum of sexuality. What we need to understand is that there may or may not be labels and categories that someone identifies with and this in no way gives anyone the right to neglect their experiences. Sexuality has always been a wide spectrum and it’s unfair to look at it as a binary or even as numbered categories.
Talking about media portrayal, there are hardly any famous and loved characters that identify as asexual in the mainstream media content that we consume. After years of being glued to binge-watching shows and movies of the west, the only time that I found a character that came out as Asexual was Todd Chavez from the show “BoJack Horseman”. While the show addresses many controversial and sensitive topics, it has taken a huge leap forward when it comes to understanding Asexuality. The character of Todd can be seen struggling with the question of being hetero or homosexual during the third season where he confesses to a friend that he “might be none”. We see in the fourth season that he finally comes out as an Asexual and meets a group of people who identify as asexual as well and they explain to him that Asexual people can also have successful romantic relationships without having sex at all. While this is a huge step, we still have a long way to go to include narratives like such in a mainstream media.
But this happened in the west, we need to also look at how asexuality is treated in our own country and culture. In a country where sex still remain a huge taboo and there are hardly any conversations happening about sex or healthy sexual practices, it is even more complicated to fathom the idea of asexuality. The idea becomes much more complicated than it is in the west. Even though there are no conversations around sex in India, it is almost obvious for most that sex is an essential part of any romantic relationship and for an upper class Indian child these pressures start as soon as they enter adolescence. The demands of getting married and having and fostering a ‘family’ are present in all Indian cultures.
It is also important to note how men and women are treated differently in the country when it comes to sexuality, while women have historically been seen as asexual people, men acquire the pedestal and responsibility of being the sexual creatures in the match. While being asexual would be ideal for one, it is often considered a disease for the other. We can then imagine how different the challenges will be for men and women, let alone among different class and caste hierarchies.
Another aspect that would hinder our understanding of Asexuality in India would be the practice of celibacy and abstinence for religious or cultural reasons. It is even more complicated to differentiate such practices from asexuality as a sexual orientation. This brings us to how the concept of choice often gets attached to asexual individuals. People think that they choose to abstain from sex when they actually feel little or no desire to engage in the activities. While the concept and cult of involuntary celibates also gains popularity, it is even more important to differentiate this from people who identify as asexuals.
To counter these issues, there have been some projects like ‘Asexuality India’ that have come up to help people with similar sexual identities to reach out to each other and create a community. These digital spaces have been instrumental in raising awareness about important aspects of asexuality and bringing people together. As a country, however, we still have a long way to go because we face challenges around sexuality which are far from the ones that countries in the west face. In a place where having a different sexual orientation is still a taboo, we need far more conversations around this topic to begin to make a change.
