“A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance.”
-“Tryst with Destiny”, Nehru’s Address to the Constituent Assembly on the eve of India’s Independence in 1947.
Pt. Nehru’s assuring words on the eve of our independence envisioned the dawn of a brighter tomorrow. We may have broken free from the shackles of servitude but continue remaining enslaved to highly stereotypical notions concerning individual identity in society. While on one hand major strides are being made towards inclusivity across different walks of life, on the other, horrific instances of discrimination and exclusion surface every other day. A lot of these events that marginalise certain individuals remain largely invisible in the dominant narrative. Those which do come to light are so horrific, that one is left to only speculate how disturbing the others would be. However, throughout the course of India’s history there have been several individuals and movements which have challenged oppressive practices. These have become all the more visible in the 21st century, as the Indian youth has established global connectivity.
This issue of Dhaara focuses on these constructed ideas of gender and sexuality which have had currency in Indian society for a very long time. These are highly complex formulations which are deeply rooted in social norms, and challenging them means attacking the very root of their genesis in the societal context.The focus of this feature story is therefore not only to highlight stereotypical notions and trace their genesis but also to evaluate how these ideas are being challenged in contemporary times.
Introduction
Societal norms often play a major role in curtailing the expression of one’s inherent nature.The most visible manner in which this manifests is through the norms governing social behaviour. It is generally feared that if an individual is unabashedly vocal about what they feel and norms do not regulate the expression of such ideas, the entire societal apparatus is under threat. In such a scenario, there exists an ideal and expected trajectory of life which needs to be adhered to at all costs.
Media has promoted the images of hyper femininity and hyper masculinity, what it has done is to normalise it to an extent where colours have genders of their own, toys promote future expected roles, and movies and digital media leave an exaggerated, unachievable image that causes nothing but an unabated desire to achieve them.
In her book “Seeing like a Feminist”, Nivedita Menon describes maintenance of the social order as applying nude makeup, where you spend hours on your face but the final result looks like you haven’t touched it at all. She adds that, “It requires the faithful performance of prescribed rituals over and over again throughout one’s lifetime. Complex networks of cultural reproduction are dedicated to this sole purpose. But the ultimate goal of all this unceasing activity is to produce the effect of untouched naturalness.”
Hence, gender binding roles play a very essential part in maintaining the social order and ensuring that they are followed in the public and the private domain and no defiance is allowed under the purview of everyone who has passively internalised them. These are rigid and watertight compartments that take the form of stereotyping and lay down norms strong enough to ensure compliance. Therefore, there is a perfect image of an ideal ‘Indian Woman’ and an ideal ‘Indian Man’ who only by performing their assigned roles can ensure a Sampoorn Parivaar (complete family).
The marginalisation of the LGBTQIA+ community is accentuated by the belief that their sexual preferences deviate from established societal norms. Their very existence is perceived as being against the ‘order of nature’. In heteronormative societies, it is usually believed that people belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community defy established norms intentionally, and to accept and come to terms with the fact that sexual preference is something very intrinsic to the individual is extremely difficult. The tag of being non-conformist out of volition is thus associated with these individuals perpetually.
“The Ideal Indian Man”
Conventional ideas of masculinity and the norms associated with it are deeply-rooted in certain social perceptions. In order to analyse these norms, and subsequently attempt to question them, it is important to see how they are socially structured.
Within the familial unit, men have usually been ascribed the role of the principal providers and sustainers. This concept is extended to incorporate other ideas such as functioning as the chief representative of the family (think of name plates outside houses carrying names of the male members only) and guarding the family’s honour in times of crisis. In this process of acting for the greater good of the family, men are discouraged from prioritising their personal concerns. In times of crisis, they are expected to function as the support system of the family, setting aside their personal turmoils and refraining from outward emotional expression. This idea however, comes to be extended to general situations as well, leaving virtually no scope for men to talk about the conflicts they face. It is not just emotional well-being which is compromised in the case of men. Infact, any form of self-care is looked down upon, as this is seen as deviating from established norms of masculinity. A man who applies make-up for instance would be chided for being too ‘effeminate’. Furthermore, a professional or habitual preference that demands creative thinking and establishing a connection with his emotional faculties is usually looked down upon. Young boys for instance, would be pushed towards hobbies like sports rather than painting or cooking. Men are expected to always have a definite career plan ahead of them and there is little scope for them to engage in professions which do not render tangible gains to the household immediately.
With the man being seen as the chief sustainer of the household, all other members are expected to function in accordance to his will. An ideal man is conceived as someone who exercises a massive degree of control over those under his protection (particularly women) which gives him a sense of entitlement. A man who does not fall in this conventional paradigm of dominance or exercising control is not considered to be ‘manly enough’. It is for this reason that in domestic setups where the woman is the chief breadwinner, the man who manages the household and its day to day affairs is often trivialised. Furthermore, a man who is sensitive to the needs of his wife is labeled as being uxorious, or as ‘dancing to her whims’.
Picture Credits: Harshit Abichandani
In contemporary times, the need for separating the idea of gender and sexuality from what one chooses to wear is being emphasised. Clothes need not be a reflection of one’s gender or sexual identity, and the fact that this is being increasingly addressed in public spaces like universities is very encouraging. Speaking on this, Anushtubh Garai, a former student of Delhi’s St.Stephens’ College who identifies as straight, mentions his preference for wearing Sarees- “ The reason I decided to dress up in a sari is because I want to… I feel like the clothes one decides to wear has nothing to do with sexuality- that entire concept needs to go.”
Apart from stereotyping heterosexual and cisgender individuals on the basis of the clothing they wear, there is also a rampant tendency of associating specific traits with individuals who variously identify as queer, such as the notion of homosexual men being effeminate. The need of the hour, however, is to make these ideas prevalent not only in forums like universities, but also in usual workspaces and households.
Social media has been a particularly powerful tool by which such norms are being actively subverted. Increasingly men are questioning ideas that typecast them into particular roles and ascribe them specific traits. It is emphasised that undergoing an emotional breakdown is not a sign of weakness, and that there are platforms and spaces where these issues can be spoken about.
“The Ideal Indian Woman”
“Man is defined as a human being and a woman as a female – whenever she behaves as a human being, she is said to imitate the male”
-Simone De Beauvoir
The biological sciences categorise human sex broadly into two categories which is male and female, whereas society divides it into masculine and feminine. While the aim of biological assortment is strictly for scientific and research purposes, the societal classification is to maintain a system of power and dominance that brings oppression to the rest.
For a perfect Indian woman, it is often expected that she excels in her duties as a daughter, wife and a mother, hence, often in relation to the man. At the same time, she is expected to maintain a body that is attractive enough to get her the attention but covered enough to avoid any problems. In the mixture of the perfect Indian woman, you would find a soft voice, slender and petite physique, who dresses up to captivate men and is a perfect cook in the kitchen. However, when it comes to work that is actually paid, she lacks the intelligence for it and is obviously bad at finances, driving and technical stuff thus dependent on a man for it. She needs to be rescued.
In the words of Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel, “A family can develop only with a loving woman as its center.” That is, that her identity is always attached to an institution or its member. It revolves and often calls her the center but a center from which she is available and accessible to all and equally present for all her ‘duties’. She is often the homemaker and the ‘honour’ of the family, honour which is meant to be guarded by the male counterparts. She is expected to be pure, maintain her virginity till she is married and hence be the ‘pride’ of the family. Since she is supposedly a ‘responsibility’ for the family it often comes with an expiration date. And that is her marriage, where the parents perform Kanyadaan, which is literally giving their daughter away who now becomes someone else’s responsibility. Hence, the identity of a woman within the Indian social structure is reliant on the ‘head of the family’.
For Parsons’, the women’s role in the family is an expressive one. What he means by this is that she is often expected to provide care, love, affection, security and all the necessary emotional support a family member might need. They are expected to be sensitive, delicate and fragile and wear their heart on their sleeve. This also means that a woman is believed to be a gossip monger, nagging and hysterical. She has tantrums and when she tries to stand up for herself, she is ‘manning up.’
Professional career choices and education for women are very different. These are secondary ‘hobbies’ that they develop and are believed to lose interest in. And if her partner is well earning she is often questioned as to what is the need for her to work. There is no passion, ambition or drive attached to her choices. The professional choices are also very limited and include those which can help her juggle her family life with her career.
However, what orthodox people often call a ‘modern Indian woman’ now, is nothing but a female who doesn’t rest with what she is handed down or ordained to do. These are then known as ‘rebels’ or non-conforming beings who raise their voice for the rights they have. The young minds know what the patriarchal structure is trying to do. They know why, and hence they don’t sit back. Women have been breaking these glass ceilings, one stereotype at a time. Coming out of their traditionally relegated sphere (Domestic), they are now increasingly taking up space in the world outside, industrial as well as the body politic. We see them doing everything from flying MiG 21 Bison to holding positions of authority like Chief Economist at IMF to becoming commando trainer; the variety reasserting thus that there is no task a woman should be debarred from on the excuse of her gender. For some women Hijab is liberation, for some taking to the streets is, and then the world witnesses the likes of Bilkis Bano as well; thus destabilising the very categorisation of women’s issues levied by the society to homogenise and ultimately control women. There has been relentless resistance to sexist remarks, boundaries that make no sense and stereotypes that only promote continuity of the stigma. Change is slow, yet persistent.
In the words of Arundhati Roy, “Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”
The “Non Conformist”
“The term heteronormativity refers to the overwhelming power of the assumption that heterosexuality is natural and normal, and is the norm to be emulated.”(Nivedita Menon; 2012)
Picture credits: Daksh Kohli
As any other “defiant” group, the LGBTQIA+ community has also been stereotyped and unwelcomed in a number of ways. These include the pre – assumed notions that all transgenders are confused people who make their living by begging and dancing in drag attires, lesbians are tomboys, gays are effeminate, bisexuals are promiscuous etc. As discussed previously, garments have a sexuality of their own thus anyone who doesn’t conform to the normative binaries should also stereotypically look different, naturally as well as through couture. Sharmishtha Samal, a former student from LSR comments, “I’m bisexual but I like to wear tight fitted clothes or belbottoms. People have embedded notions about how a bisexual or homosexual is supposed to ‘look the part’ and how they should dress up so that it can be pointed out that they are different from the ‘normal’ ”
These stereotypes not only put individuals under immense emotional and mental pressure but also pose several physical threats to them. There have been several cases when individuals have been robbed, physically assaulted, abused and threatened because they are ‘aberrative’.
One therefore sees that the stereotypes built around queer individuals have implications which are no longer restricted to acceptance and the ability to assert one’s individuality. It is becoming all the more necessary to normalise queer relationships to not only grant individuals the rights that they are entitled to, but also to ensure that they are able to thrive securely society.
A very important aspect of sexuality is reproduction and to ensure this, heteronormative relations are often upheld, because reproduction through “natural” processes is what is deemed to be ordained. Hence, traditionally sexuality or sexual orientation was often deemed to be some sort of a disease which can be cured. Sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE) often treated homosexuality using medical, psychological, religious and even spiritual efforts, sex corrective rapes being a part of the treatment.
Two decades ago, a young homosexual man of 21 years of age was given electric shocks as a part of the conversion therapy that his parents made him undergo in the hope that he would turn heterosexual. This heinous act was performed at the most prestigious medical institute in the country, AIIMS. When it failed to be sustainably proven as a physiological disorder, people started calling homosexuality a mental disorder even by esteemed figures of ‘progressive’ fields like academia.
As queer people are disregarded from the system, there is the fear among conservatives, of the system crashing down. As the LGBTQIA+ community also challenges the traditional notions of reproduction and lineage, it is a very direct threat to those who are benefiting from this arrangement. However, as many rigid religious institutions were proven false in their claims and beliefs, it gave confidence to many to come out of the closet and embrace themselves. Online platforms are increasingly becoming queer friendly and people find support within groups formed in their respective communities (however they are also vulnerable to cyber bullying). The Queer Muslim Project which was founded by Rafiul Alom Rahman aims to create a more positive conversation around gender, sexuality and faith. With the coming of different interpretations of the sacred texts, it often makes it easier for those who are struggling with being true to their sexuality while being a devout.
The true meaning and struggle behind the rainbow is being traced and acknowledged. However, this process can only be successful when there is acceptance on all levels. This would include due representation in government bodies, judiciary, universities and places of work. It is only when the queer community has adequate role models to look up that they would be able to make a place for themselves as human beings and not just the ‘other’ column in a form, which ridicules their very identity and existence.
Conclusion
In the words of former American President Barack Obama, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” There is nothing that can justify the gender and sexuality norms. It is just the maintenance of a certain order, for the benefits of a few. Also, there is no system of injustice that goes unchallenged or unquestioned by the people of today. When age old systems of oppression are brought to light and scrutinised in the public sphere, the youth of today isn’t ready to sit in the boxes they are being confined to. This time belongs to young rebels, it is being taken by a storm by young leaders, they don’t keep quiet when the world is on fire, they speak for every being to exist on this planet and they fight for every right being denied.
So, the coming generations will know that there were always more than two colours, that jobs didn’t have genders, that one’s sex isn’t identity, that people aren’t animals in a herd to be categorised, that clothes are just garments, that love is nature and that the rainbow will always shine brighter.
These are the crazy young minds jumping fences and destroying barriers. And these, these are here to stay!
